It’s Worth Saving: 8 Signs that it’s Time to See a Marriage Counselor

27 December 2018

Remember when you were newlyweds? When you were still deeply in love and riding the high from your beautiful wedding day?

It’s only natural things have changed from there; real life sets in and things get busier and more complicated. The honeymoon stage wears off, and that’s okay.

If you’re feeling, however, like you’ve bypassed a stage of comfort in your marriage and headed straight for the land of daily arguments, constant annoyance with your spouse, or even widespread secret-keeping, your marriage may be in need of fixing.

If you feel as though you and your spouse might benefit from seeing a marriage counselor, but aren’t sure if the signs are there, read on. Here are 8 major signs it might be time to take your marriage to a professional. Your marriage is worth saving.

1. Even Small Conversations Become Arguments:

We all have days once in a while where even the tiniest thing can set us off. That’s normal. But if you begin to feel as though any time you and your spouse interact, your conversations turn into full-blown arguments, it could be a serious sign you ought to seek counseling.

You should be able to have conversations and make small decisions naturally and easily. The occasional grumpy retort is okay, but when things are blown out of proportion, or you find yourself keeping your mouth shut to avoid any interaction, it’s become a problem.

You need to be able to talk about the big, important things with your spouse – but you also need to be able to interact peacefully on a daily basis.

2. You’ve Stopped Sharing Opinions:

Another sign it may be time for a bit of professional intervention in your marriage is when you find yourself failing to express opinions to avoid arguments or conversation. You should still be able to voice your thoughts on that restaurant she loves; you should be able to tell him you’d rather not go out tonight.

Although it may seem like keeping quiet is a means of keeping the peace, staying quiet and failing to share your thoughts can quickly become toxic. Don’t let even small things build up – and if they are, consider taking it to counseling.

3. You Realize You’re Keeping Secrets:

At any given time, the average person is keeping 13 secrets under wraps – 5 of which they’ve never told anybody. Secret-keeping is natural and can be innocent, but if you find yourself holding back a significant amount of serious secrets, it’s probably time to evaluate why.

Many secrets include things like infidelity or financial woes or other major elements of life. Some people find themselves so caught up in their secret-keeping they reach a point where their spouse hardly knows them anymore. If you feel as though you’re on the brink of living a double life, it’s probably time to take it to marriage counseling to get things out on the table.

4. You’ve Both Been Ignoring Intimacy:

For many marriages, intimacy plays a critical role in feeling connected as a couple. If you’ve seen a significant shift or a halt in your sex life, it may not only be a sign that your marriage is becoming distanced, but it may also be a major contributing factor. If you’re having little or no sex when you used to do it on the regular, you might find yourself feeling the impact on an emotional level.

In many cases, intimacy can take effort on behalf of both partners. Once you’ve reestablished the connection with your spouse, it can begin to feel more natural again – but you may be in need of a little intervention before that can happen. Read more about how counseling can help you through struggles in intimacy.

5. Somebody’s Been Unfaithful:

Okay, so maybe this one should be obvious: Most of the time when one partner goes beyond the bounds of marriage vows, things don’t just settle back into place naturally. It usually takes work to restore faith and trust in the relationship. This can often be seriously helped along by an intervention of a marriage counselor.

Unfaithfulness can go beyond the bounds of sexual intimacy with a person who’s not your spouse; it could also be categorized as unfaithfulness in finances or unfaithfulness to other life commitments. If trust has been breached, it may be time for someone else to step in and help you to sort things out.

6. You’d Rather Spend Time Apart:

Remember when you were dating? How you could hardly stand to be apart from one another? As you matured and got married, you probably naturally became more comfortable spending time apart.

It’s natural to seek alone time, and it’s totally healthy to spend time away from your spouse. But if it’s to the point where you’d consistently prefer to be away from your partner…well, that’s a problem.

Look at simple situations, like lazy days around the house. Do you elect to watch TV upstairs while he watches it downstairs? Do you move about the house without speaking or acknowledging one another? It’s probably time to fix that.

7. You Feel Like You’re Performing:

Some people manage to do a good job of keeping the peace, even when the marriage really feels as though it’s collapsing in on itself. But after a while, putting on a happy performance when, really, you’re not happy at all can start to wear on a spouse. If you feel like you’re putting on a brave face in the midst of a poor marriage, your marriage likely needs intervention.

Partaking in affectionate behaviors when you’re not feeling up to it – and doing so consistently – is both a means of ignoring a glaring problem and a contributing factor to discontent. If you feel like you’re putting in lots of effort to avoid admitting there’s a problem, then there’s most definitely a problem.

8. You’re Hoping for a Miracle:

When in low parts of relationships, we sometimes find ourselves thinking, “If we can just get through this rough patch…” But the fact is, most rough patches won’t get smoothed out automatically. There likely won’t be any miracle change that comes through to restore your marriage; you’ve got to work for it.

If you find yourself focusing your hopes on the idea that your spouse might just change and fix everything, it’s not going to happen. The closest thing you’ll get to a miracle is some good, productive marriage counseling.

Want More Tips for When You Might Need a Marriage Counselor?

It can be tough to tell – and, often, tougher to admit – when your marriage could benefit from marriage counseling. Approaching the situation requires lots of bravery and consideration of your marriage.

For more tips on how to save your marriage, and more information on when it might be time to find a marriage counselor, check out our page!

Oh, and remember: Your marriage is worth saving.

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Ariana Smith

I enjoy writing and I write quality guest posts on topics of my interest and passion. I have been doing this since my college days. My special interests are in health, fitness, food and following the latest trends in these areas. I am an editor at Content Rally.

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First Time Living Solo? Here are Three Mistakes That You Can Avoid

So let’s say one day you had a eureka moment and thought of living solo. Perhaps this idea has always been on your mind, but you’ve put on hold due to certain reasons. And now, after years of planning and thinking about it, you finally see the green light and hit the gas. But this is going to be your first time living alone. There are a lot of things that you must know. And while you’ve already asked your friends and family members for tips, it’s still somehow overwhelming. Your excitement turns to fear, and you’re thinking of going back to your slob roommate in that sketchy building. Here is what I’m going to tell you, living solo is overwhelming, but it is one of the most empowering experiences that you can give to yourself. I can tell you how many times I danced and celebrate after doing seemingly trivial things when living solo. Oh, it's my first time to change a lightbulb? Heck yeah, I’m going to celebrate! You don’t have to miss out on funny and amazing experiences due to fear. All of us are capable of living solo successfully. And to steer you in the right direction, let me tell you the three common mistakes that you might do in this new chapter of your life. Three Mistakes That You Can Avoid: Mistake 1: Not Planning Out Your Place Believe it or not, most people have overlooked this factor when it’s their first time living alone. The rush of independence and the power of choosing your place sometimes gets to our logic. The first time I decided to get an apartment on my own, I was so excited. I can finally choose where it is and how I want it to look like. So many offers in the city are so appealing. Imagine owning those with balconies and apartments that have very spacious rooms. I imagine getting a 2-bedroom apartment, and then I’ll turn the other room into a workplace. However, let me give you the reality check now; you’re on your own. And by “on your own,” I mean you’re not only living solo, but the expenses are only yours to carry. You have to be smart when it comes to choosing your place. For example, is the location convenient for your workplace and other necessities? Is the neighborhood going to be more expensive to live in compared to another? Before you sign and make up your mind on a certain place, I recommend that you figure out your ideals and budget. This way, it will be much easier to compromise certain factors if necessary. Know what are your must-haves in a place without going overboard on your allocated budget. Maybe you have pets, or you own a car. Perhaps you need to look at the places that allow pets or have access to a parking space. These are just examples that we often forgot because of our excitement from choosing a place all on our own. Mistake 2: Not Investing in Quality and Maintenance The next common mistake when living solo is not investing in quality. Think of it this way, the longer that you can keep the item, the more value that you’ll get for your money. It will take a long time before it needs replacement and will save you on costs in the long run. Sure, you’ve bought an appliance for a cheaper price, but what if buying the other choice for a few more bucks meant durability for years to come? But besides investing good quality items, you also have to think of investing in maintenance. For example, let’s say the place you now own has a gorgeous granite countertop. But instead of doing a monthly sealing as seen here, you’ve ignored this because the countertop still “looks okay.” Perhaps your items don’t look and feel that they need some refurnishing, but what you’re doing is setting you up for extra costs on repairs. Again, since you’re living on your own, you have no one to split the costs on repairs with. At the same time, you have no roommate to blame for the damages since you’re the only one in your place. So yes, these costs are all on you, and you’re responsible for them. Maintenance is not going to be as expensive as repairs. And they are not even going to be as complicated when you’re repairing damages. They can be as simple as sealing your countertop if it’s made of granite or putting filters over your drains to prevent blockages. Mistake 3: Overlooking Security Enhancements Another mistake that you might easily overlook is the security of the place. Yes, you might be doing an extra background check on your neighborhood. But you want to be able to sleep comfortably at night. Are there any histories of crimes like robbery in the area? What are the reasons why the previous owner moved? These might seem too scary and extreme to think about, but whenever I move or get a new place, I always ask these questions. You also want to check if there are security cameras in the area. And speaking of cameras, make sure that you’ll get privacy with your new place. As unsettling as this sounds but there are cases of people finding hidden cameras in their rooms or showers. You might also want to know if you can add another layer of security with your new place. For example, have you changed the locks in your new place? You have to feel safe knowing that no one else can access your new place. You can offer to pay for new locks if you’re renting. This extra step might seem tedious, but for me, it helps me feel more comfortable in my new place. The added costs in neighborhoods with more security features are going to be worth it. Lastly, get to know your neighbors. It’s not like you want to be best friends with them, but you’re going to feel a lot better if you know you have someone to call if you need help. At the same time, you can ask them about tips and maybe hacks in living in this new place. Read More: 6 Reasons Why Every Woman Should Travel Solo Greg Bishop, Attorney, Discusses The Growing Problems Of Living Alone, Being Socially Isolated And Feeling Lonely In Retirement How Your Pet Will Change Your Life

Ready For A Recharge? The Practice Of Enjoying Your Time Off Work

From time to time, taking a break from work is necessary to recharge both your personal and professional batteries. Whether you plan a week-long vacation in one of the world’s most-sought-after-vacation destinations, go for a glamping min-break, or if you intend to spend your time off from the comfort of your sofa – it’s crucial to take a break from the demands of your professional and personal life to minimize your stress levels. Yet, Americans left an average of 4.6 vacation days unused last year. From having too heavy a workload to fearing what colleagues might think, there are many reasons why US workers only take a percentage of their vacation allowance. Regardless, it is essential to understand that you’re not dodging responsibility and that you deserve a well-earned break from time to time. More importantly, it is crucial that you enjoy your time off so that you feel as though you’ve had enough time away to return feeling fully refreshed. If you’re ready for a recharge, there are plenty of ways to do so without feeling second-hand guilt, some of which we outline below: Make Preparations For The Following Morning Although we’re confident that you can find better ways to enjoy your time off work, preparing for the following morning can be valuable for occupying a spare fifteen minutes of your evening. Let’s face it; nothing is worse than running around like a headless chicken on your day off, trying to find something to do, or trying to fit everything you want to do into a set couple of hours. Whether you need to be out of the house early the next morning for a jaunt with friends or planning a day at home catching up on the housework – there are several ways you can save yourself stressing. From setting several back-to-back alarms to ensure you’re up and out of bed by a specific time to preparing and setting your coffee maker – anything that saves you several minutes of your morning. If you cannot function without a caffeine fix in the morning, consider teaching yourself less time-consuming ways of preparing your morning brew from experts like Cup & Bean. Whether you’d like to answer, what is a frappe coffee? Or learn how to make other popular coffee orders; their website covers you no matter what level your barista skills might be. Equipped with an online store and a blog filled with articles that cover everything from coffee making, the production process, the origin of coffee, different brewing techniques, and answering FAQs like, what is a frappe coffee? Plus, many more. Consider visiting their website for more information, and see how their help and advice could help you enjoy your time off work more. Get Your Body Moving Depending on whether you’re an active person or not, the thought of dragging yourself out of the house and down to the gym might sound like the least enjoyable way to spend your time off work. However, physical activity is one of the best things for improving quality of life and reaping the benefits of movement. From reducing certain physical and mental health risks to improving our mood, getting the recommended daily exercise is an excellent way to spend your time off work, especially if you spend most of your time at work stationery. The best thing is, even if you’re not the most active of people, you can get your daily exercise in from the comfort of your own home or without having to go far away! Whether you choose to take the family dog on a long walk, cycle down to the shops, walk to a close friend or relative’s house, or complete an at-home workout in your living room – you can get your body moving in a variety of ways and reap the benefits of doing so. Even if going to the gym on your day off sounds awful, something as low-impact as yoga, cycling, or walking is enough to get your endorphins pumping and make you feel better. Catch Up On Sleep According to studies, 94% of workers working in the professional service industry work over an alarming 50 hours a week. Due to this, many US professionals dedicate a chunk of their time off work to getting out of sleep debt. When you don’t have any work commitments, classes to attend, or children to take on the school run threatening to disturb your sleep, what’s better than catching up on sleep, right? However, even if we’re struggling to keep our eyes open long after our alarm has gone off, something about sleeping in on our day off work stirs up feelings of guilt deep inside us. Since sleeping in is often considered a form of laziness, many US workers try to avoid this stereotype by filling their time off with commitments even if they feel drained from the previous workweek. Yet, there is nothing wrong with sleeping in and in small doses; it can even provide many benefits. From having a better attention span, feeling more alert, reduced stress levels, and much more, catching up on a couple of extra winks during your time off work can help you recharge and make you feel ready to work upon your return to the workplace. Treat Yourself Ultimately, you want to spend your day off in a way that leaves you feeling relaxed and ready to go back to work with a smile (and a story to tell your co-workers!). Typically, this involves doing something you wouldn’t do during the work week as a ‘treat’ to reward yourself after battling with deadlines and many other work-related tasks. Whether you try out a new restaurant nearby or run yourself a bath with extra bubbles (and a bath bomb to boot!), you can make your time off feel a little bit more special by doing an activity you love. Though you’ll rarely be able to spend your entire day off doing something you love, ensure that you find the time to include hobbies or activities you like most so that you enjoy your time off. Additional: 10 Best Lifestyle Entrepreneurs Of All Time In 2021 How Does Children’s Health Impact Parental Lifestyle? Smoking and Other Negative Lifestyle Habits You Need to Kick to the Curb This Year Do You Really Want to Live on Mars? 3 Sustainability Tips for an Eco-Friendly Lifestyle

Living in the City vs. the Suburbs: Pros and Cons

If you are wondering whether to live around or in a busy metropolis, you should weigh the pros and cons. The best place for you to live will depend on your needs as well as those of your family. If you are a person who wants to kick start your career, the city is probably the best choice for you. Here are some of the pros and cons of city vs. suburban living: Pros of City Life: Big cities such as Los Angeles, Denver, and Chicago have big downtown areas with several living options. If you live in such an area, you will be right in the middle of the action. From cocktail bars and nightlife to entertainment and fine dining, you will live in the middle of it all. In cities that are thriving economically, new buildings keep going up thus giving you many modern living options: this is true for areas such as LA and NYC. Modernity surpasses residential living and city life allows you to see what the buzz is about. When hunting for residences such as Dallas apartments, you have many options from which you can choose. Inner-city life has a rhythm and you do not need to own a car. With extraordinary public transportation, you do not have to purchase a vehicle. Without a car, you can save between $3,000 and $15,000 per year. With this extra cash at your disposal, you can be able to afford city life. Cons of City Life: However, city life comes with its own disadvantages. For instance, it traps poor people. Homeless people reside in metropolitan areas because they cannot afford transit and housing. This is especially true in NYC, San Francisco, and LA. Although Phoenix and San Diego are not that bad, Portland, Chicago, Denver, and Seattle have rough areas. In central metropolises, the cost of housing is high, making it nearly impossible for most people to afford it. For instance, a one-bedroom apartment in Manhattan costs at least $3,757 per month. To afford rent in LA, you need to make at least $20,000 annually. Because renting does not build equity, it should make financial sense for you to live in the city. Another disadvantage of living in the city is a centralized danger. Living in the middle of a big city makes it harder to get out in case of an emergency. A natural disaster could leave you trapped in the confusion with no way of leaving. Pros of Suburban Life: Houses are more affordable in the suburbs, making homeownership possible. Moreover, suburbs are safer due to protections such as neighborhood watch. These places are also quieter, making them ideal for people who do not like the hustle and bustle of the city. With gated communities, you can raise your family without worrying about their safety. Some suburbs sit outside main cities, making commutes shorter. To make your transit less expensive, you can opt for suburbs that are around train stations. The cost of homes in suburban areas is lower than in cities. When you choose the right property, its value will increase over time. In the suburbs, remodeling your residence is also much easier. Cons of Suburban Life: Not all suburban housing options are close to public transport. Suburbs that are closer to the city have higher housing costs due to house shortages. To find a house whose worth matches its price, you might have to live farther away from the city. If you live sixty miles from your city workplace, your commute could take hours. This long commute can lead to the wear and tear of your car. Moreover, you will use a lot of fuel, which is expensive. Suburban life comes with HOA fees, which can be quite high, depending on the area. When you consider car ownership and HOA fees, you might find that city living is more affordable. However, owning an inexpensive house in the suburbs might justify the extra costs. Conclusion: As you can see, city life and suburban life both have advantages and disadvantages. The choice that you make should be guided by your needs. For instance, if you want to start a family, suburban life is more preferable because it is quieter. Read Also: Taking A Tour Through What Sober Living Entails How To Survive Your First Year Of Living Independently

It’s Worth Saving: 8 Signs that it’s Time to See a Marriage Counselor